A Rewarding Risk, Day 38
Waking up rather late this morning still feeling uneasy about the topic of last night’s late night conversation with my good friend Cassandra, I had little motivation to meet the day or any decisions it might hold. In such situations, I follow a regular routine of avoidance and procrastination, usually involving a computer game or ceaseless television programming. Although I did spend an hour or so on Evony before reaching out to good friends to help me make some major life decisions about my current relationship, I left the television untouched to allow myself a little room for thoughts to germinate before dragging them all out into the light of day.
Thankfully, my good friend K. Scott Warren gave me the chance to drag myself out of my apartment by offering his ear while joining him on his exercise-driven walk through Fort Tryon park. I can’t begin to describe my gratefulness for the good and diverse friends in my life, that I have both sensitive men and women who act as wise counselors at times and alternate as great colleagues, drinking buddies, and always great shoulders upon whom I can always lean. Ideally, a relationship provides some of the same benefits, but involves different challenges and amounts of effort. With some recent uncertainty about mine, I needed good friends like Scott and Charlene today, who along with my mother gave me the support to know that I had undeniably valid concerns and the varied advice to understand the best path for me to take in tonight’s conversation with my boyfriend.
I thank God that days like today occur rarely, because I have quite the massive headache from even the prospect of ending a relationship with such a great man for whom I care a great deal. Thankfully, we didn’t. Over dinner and a long and shockingly well-received conversation, we decided to change some things and communicated more clearly than ever about what we each wanted and our perception of the current state of things together.
This goes way beyond my comfort level, I admit. Continuing to move forward involves risking my heart further, but in my experience rarely do the people worthy of such a gamble step up to the plate and work hard to create a beautiful and meaningful relationship. In this case, I know my boyfriend’s worth it, and I now know more clearly that he feels the same way about me. I also know that no matter what happens, I have the safety net of my friends to catch me – and he’s one of them.