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An off Day, Day 56

April 5, 2010

Taking my good friend Amy aka Operamouth‘s suggestion to listen to Actors Off, I began to feel a bit better today in regards to my personal struggle as an artist to stay motivated whether working or not.  Listening to the creators of this now offline podcast talk about playing video games and drinking on the beach helped me cut myself a little slack, while I definitely found some challenges in their discussions about all of the auditions they do from time to time.  I certainly need to speed that preparation up a notch or ten.  Thankfully, today I received my official audition time for the first opera audition for which I’ve applied in a very long time, and I’ll audition for that company in May just before leaving for Richland, Washington for my Verdi Requiem performance.

I almost feel as though I shouldn’t even write anything tonight.  Definitely still a little sleep deprived from a very early Easter church job and a somewhat sleepless week in general, I felt like doing nothing today.  Instead, I woke in Cherry Hill after spending a really nice but brief holiday with the family, traveled back on the bus, walked to rehearsal where I sang for a few hours, returned home, did entirely too much laundry, started my taxes, and retired to blog with a headache.  All weekend I have felt really apathetic and a little depressed, to be honest, and for days like this especially I created this site.  No, not to share my headaches with my readers.

Sometimes the winter forces us to long for the comfort of our snuggies and our space heaters.  Other times, times of reflection and change can encourage us back to the comfort of solitude, chocolate, alcohol, sleep, beaches, video games, or whatever else we think will comfort us on a bad day.  On the other hand, I have bills to pay, and April 15 looms in the very near distance.  When this gig ends, I need another and another and another.  If I don’t make it back to a gym shortly, any work I have done will go to waste, and I have no interest in starting at square one.  Yes, this oh-so-exciting life can be really mundane!

I love my new push to network with different types of people and submit myself for different auditions that span more than just opera and classical music performances.  I relish learning to cook well for myself, making sets for puppets, taking belly dance classes, and boxing.  I detested the discomfort that came with trying certain new feminine options but now feel rather comfortable and happy with the change.  I really, really, really hate having to force myself into the sunlight when I sometimes just want to mourn the passing of another relationship.  Everything I do, each day, whether appealing, exciting, dreadful, or mundane, I owe so much to just getting up, pushing myself, and having even one person to read this blog and make sure I keep myself going forward, one dirty sock and W2 form at a time.

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