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A Happy Self-Control, Day 64 (4 of 25)

April 16, 2010

Day 4 of 25, A Career-Centered Chapter

Day four already?  In all honesty, I think yesterday and today have merged into one very satisfying though sensory-overloading day.  Perhaps some people can easily trot around New York City through the tourists and the noise for hours on end without feeling overwhelmed.  We do not share this trait.  Stating that spring has brought new excitement and activities to my plate far understates this month so far and while I may need to begin scheduling some days off from everything, I really enjoy this fresh phase of newness and openness without expectation, looking forward to whatever it may bring.

After a whirlwind twenty-four hours, I can happily say I received many a confirmation, both from friends and from my own observations, that I have grown so much since I moved to the city less than three years ago.  I even had my first friend date with Elliot at the tail end of my exhaustion and still felt pretty great about our decision to remain friends.  Truly about the best and most natural transition ever after a breakup.  Some other transitions, unfortunately, have reportedly not gone so well.  I had a long conversation with an old friend today about some of the misconceptions about me, held by a handful of mutual friends whom I haven’t seen in a long time.  After quite a bit of deliberation, I finally had to let it go and realize that while I can see the positive change and personal evolution in my life over the last several years, I cannot always change how or whether others perceive me.

Thankfully, at the end of a thrilling but exhausting time, I happily still had command over what I did with my career and voice.  Coming home to a relatively quiet apartment, I enjoyed a surprisingly productive and easy warm-up and practice session.  Despite the obvious desire to collapse in bed, I prepared another movement of the Verdi Requiem for my upcoming concert and placed the final touches on my oratorio arias for an audition this Sunday afternoon.  Recently having decided to focus on working more as a soloist in concerts and oratorios in addition to my choral work, I feel ready to take what I already have for auditions and begin the research of adding more varied selections to my repertoire for future use.  Baby steps indeed, but this one-day-at-a-time concept really does seem to accomplish much more than my previous routine (or lack thereof).

Practicing and working out regularly feels so much better than I ever anticipated.  As much as I still would love few things more than to work in the full time chorus at the Metropolitan Opera, I no longer feel desperate as if that alone could provide the stability I need in such an unpredictable career in this ever-changing city.  Between my writing here, the new constant plugging away at my vocational goals, and keeping in shape, I have all the constancy I need.  Finally, I feel freedom to let go of expectations from others and in the shifting sands of the economy of this profession.  Since I can only control myself, I only hope that reads as happy and confident as it feels.

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