I Confess, Day 141
Upon my arrival in Tri-Cities in south-central Washington state, I felt odd having a slightly less than full calendar and little to do at night. Thankfully, many of my new friends have risen to the occasion, and I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying many evenings after rehearsal and shows both in and out with them at some great places over wonderful wine and food (and the occasional dive bar, of course!). Still, at first I admit I intensely missed my full but day job-less life full of events and outings in NYC and felt a bit sorry for the folks here who didn’t feel they could hang out on a weeknight, or even a weekend night, because of their significant other.
Almost everyone here has a very significant other: husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner. I suspect most younger professionals don’t stay here forever if they can’t find someone who suits their needs as a partner, with some exceptions, of course. At first, I saw it as kind of quaint and definitely the opposite of my social circles in the city. Now I must admit I’ve had enough time here to start feeling a bit envious. Really? Indeed.
While some of my friends and acquaintances have to call their significant other for permission and often then retire home instead of hanging out with the rest of us, they certainly still have us. Nobody loses friends this way. In addition to good friends, they also have loved ones to greet them at home, share their burdens, and give them long hugs (among other things, of course). Despite the ease in finding a fling or date in New York, discovering a life partner takes far more effort and patience, and perhaps even a thicker skin to survive the sea of driven but hesitant to commit professionals that seem more the norm than the exception. Last I checked, a quick fling, while exciting, satisfies far less than a meaningful relationship with another loving and fascinating person.
So for today, getting out of my comfort zone means admitting to myself that I definitely want something else in life beyond my career and incredible friends and family. Questioning whether I can actually find that living permanently in New York City makes me rather uncomfortable, but I’ve finally started to ask the hard questions. So I didn’t sleep well, and I woke up in a funk (without listening to George Clinton), yet I have a performance tonight for which I now have to prepare and increase my enthusiasm by leaps and bounds.
Struggling with keeping my balance despite some major realizations and changes in life, I just have to cheer myself up for a performance and to continue moving forward in life and my career. Compared to so many other societies and even the poorest members of our own, I have so much to thank God for today despite my “funk” and countless reasons to keep striving to reach my goals.
Last night, I saw a tweet by mezzo soprano Joyce DiDonato yesterday that puts it all into perspective which read, “Anyone searching for proof that character and dignity still exist in America: http://huff.to/aezGlX How’s that for inspiration?” A homeless man found a few thousand dollars and a laptop in a backpack and, after some deliberation, returned it to the police, who reunited it with its owner, a college student planning to use the money on a down-payment for a car. Despite his losses and trials, far greater and more desperate than mine, he didn’t lose his compass or perspective but stayed in line with his beliefs and acted accordingly.
As I drive to another show with curlers in my hair, may I remember that with kindness when some fool cuts in front of me and as my friends return home tonight to their loved ones. We all do have different paths. I suppose the trick lies in happily embracing each of them, improving where we can and remaining steadfast to our goals, dreams, and ideals. In the meantime, I do have amazing friends, a loving family, and a fantastically fun-filled career and life – oh, and a performance call in forty minutes!